Day 84 1-6-11
"I have said yes
I've committed to You
Day after day
I have to do it again
Because I keep falling short
You said learn mercy"
Isaiah 40:30-31
Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.
Being back in the prayer room is like a breath of fresh air. I loved being home, but at the same time, it was really hard. I want from being in the prayer room, feeding my spirit with God's word and worshipping 6 hours a night to being at home, spending time with Him for maybe 30 minutes…maybe. I was basically starving myself. Within a few days, I felt so down and dull. In addition to not giving more of my time to Him, over break I did some things I shouldn't have, didn't do things I should have, and forgot things that God had shown me the past three months. But reading this Isaiah verse yesterday really encouraged me. I can't do this journey on my own, because if I try to do that, I will fall. But even as I fall, I can still trust in God to never fail me. He is the One who will give me the strength to run this race of faith.
Day 85 1-7-11
"It's my joy to love
It's my joy to obey
You can have all my heart
You can have all my ways
I will give You my life
I will run hard this race
Reaching for the prize
I am Yours, You are mine.
I just want love
I just want You, God
I just want love,
Knowing You."
Numbers 6
Have you ever heard the term "Nazarite vow"? Numbers chapter 6 talks about the law of a Nazarite. The Hebrew word of Nazarite means "set apart for God, sanctified, consecrated to reflect God's glory". Toward the end of first track, I made a decision to make a Nazarite vow of not dating for three years; for reasons I won't go into, other than obedience to God. At the IHOP bookstore, they sell a 40 page booklet called "Nazarite DNA" by Lou Engle.
Lou Engle is a man at IHOP who began TheCall. Basically TheCall is a prayer movement against injustices like abortion and human trafficking. TheCall is where the pro-life organization Bound4Life came from.
Because of my back round I have a desire to see abortion ended, and adoption elevated. But lately, I've been struggling with keeping that burden alive. Every night in the prayer room, around 3:30, I take time to pray against abortion in this nation. But my love for the issue has become so dull lately and I don't know why.
So, I buy this $5 booklet thinking that it will give me tips to keep strong for the next 3 ears. Yes, I knew Lou Engle's back round and his heart for justice in America, but my mind was totally on a different track when I began reading.
So imagine my eyes widening and jaw dropping when I read this sentence on page two: [speaking of the Nazarite vow] "It has been the spirit behind the Bound4Life prayer movement that is presently challenging the death culture and abortion alter in this nation."
Woah! I thought that was pretty cool. I went on reading about what taking a Nazarite vow looks like in someone's life and what in essence it meant. This stuck out to me:
"The Nazarite spontaneously and willing separates himself from even the legitimate pleasures (like dating) of this life in order to experience the ONE great all-consuming pleasure of knowing and loving God".
I was getting more and more excited. Chapter 3 came along, taking the specific laws of the vow in the Bible and applying them to real life today. They include "He must not drink wine" (abstaining from pleasures like TV, sweets etc). "He must stay away from dead bodies" (staying away from things that can harm your spiritual life. Pornography, witchcraft, etc). "He must not cut his hair" (living your vow outwardly as well as inwardly). By the way, I'm not going to cut my hair either, just for fun!
Lou then began writing about TheCall and the Bound4Life movement, and he records something God told him.
"I am raising up Nazarites who will set their face to tear down the alters of pornography and sexual immorality in the land. They have made the vow to stand against abortion and take care of the pregnant mothers. They burn for adoption and they challenge the sex trafficking industry…raise up a prayer movement to end abortion in America."
A nazarite vow is what led to the Bound4Life movement.
Holy cow.
Does this mean all Nazarites should have a pro-life burden? Of course not.
But that was Lou's burden and it turned into something amazing. It encourages me two ways. Gave me hope for my next 3 years, knowing that God will do something, if not many things, amazing in my heart and life. It also reignited a bit of a spark in my heart for the pro-life movement.
Day 86 1-8-11
We had church today. Guess who preached?
Lou Engle.
Crazy, right?!
The message was fantastic. Probably the best I've heard here. I would highly recommend going back to watching it. It will blow your mind.
He spoke about a lot of stuff and toward the end he touched the pro-life subject and I began weeping as I contended for the ending of abortion. But he told a story (unrelated to Bound4Life) that is an amazing example of how powerful prayer is.
A while ago (I don't remember years) Lou had a dream. In this dream, he saw the classic Hollywood sign. But instead of saying Hollywood, it read, "Holywood". Lou and a group of friends began to pray for Hollywood, mostly that God would use it to speak His word. 7 years later, The Passion of the Christ came to theaters. Shortly after, somebody handed Lou a magazine with an article interviewing Mel Gibson concerning The Passion. This article had a "mocking" picture of a "Holywood" sign in California. Below the picture, in the article, Mel Gibson said, "I have had this vision [speaking of the movie] in my heart for 7 years."
Woah!
God even cares about Holly wood…and Broadway for that matter! And He desires to raise up those who will speak His truth through those two very influential spheres of our culture!
Day 91 1-13-11
"This will always be my story
This will always be my song
You'll always be my Savior
You'll always have my heart."
Psalm 91:2-3,9-10
He alone is my refuge, my place of safety. He is my God, and I trust Him. For He will rescue me from every trap...if you make the Lord your refuge, if you make the Most High your shelter, no evil will conquer.
Last night in the prayer room, I felt a block in my heart. Or even something around it. Almost like the glass case covering the rose in Beauty and the Beast. So I asked God what it was. He told me it was fear. More specifically fear of failure and failing Him. I've done this before. I can to Kansas City for a whole summer, growing in knowledge and love for Him. Completely devoted to Christ, But I came home and within a few months, I lost all motivation to pursue Him. And it got to the point, specifically this past year, that I was not in a good place at all. Outwardly I was ok, (because I had so much head knowledge of God) but inwardly I was in a very dark place. Mostly because of compromise, deception, various pains in my heart etc.
As I prayed about it, God reminded me of Psalm 91. It is a Psalm about finding comfort in God in times of fear. I really like these four verses because it reminds me that He has always been there for me, as a refuge. That I will not completely fall like I did before, if I always run to Him. I was also reminded that living for Him, is a day by day choice. Each day that I say yes to Him, say yes to spending time with Him, He will be faiful to teach me, and protect me from falling again.
Because of this fear, I didn't want to fully open my heart to what He had for me. But now I would rather grow and learn than hold on to this fear.
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