Week Three - This is a Reality

This week was like a roller coaster; very emotional. There were a couple nights I didn't journal because I was kind of losing my motivation to do so. But it's ok, I'm getting back into it.

Day 13     Monday     10/11

Song of Solomon 2:4-5

 He brought me to His banqueting house, and His banner over me is love
Sustain me with cakes of raisins, refresh me with apples, for I am lovesick. 

"Don't let me stumble

While Your heart is breaking

Wake me up,

To feel what You feel

Wake me up from the American dream

I wanna be with You

For better or worse"

"Place Your hand deep into my heart

I'm aching for something real

Turn my little world upside down"

The last couple of days, God has really been hitting me hard with the reality of Him. The fact that He is really, truly real. I grew up being home schooled by a pastor's wife. For 12.5 years, I was doused with God, Jesus and the Bible. Being in Awana for almost 10 years, I memorized countless bible verses. But I am just now realizing that even though I always believed everything as true, God has never been a reality to me. There is only one example I can relate it to, but I don't know if anyone will even be able to relate to it.

I've known I was adopted ever since I can remember. I've always had contact with Alisha, my birth mother and her parents. Letters, pictures, Facebook, birthday and Christmas presents, for 18 years.  But it wasn't until Alisha sent me my 18th birthday present that everything changed. She sent me her journal she kept during her pregnancy. All of a sudden, a whole new world opened up. All of a sudden, there was so much more than just letters and pictures. All of a sudden, I saw a personality. It was the craziest thing I had ever felt and I am still trying to process it. Don't get me wrong, it's great! I love it. It's intriguing, confusing and emotional all in one. 

But that is how I feel with God. All of a sudden, it's not just church, or the Bible, or prayer; which is all great and necessary, but there is a personality of God that I have never seen before. There is a love of God I have never felt before. But at the same time, I don't know how to receive or respond this new aspect of God. Each time I picture God, I see that throne room from Revelation 4. It's not just a true story; this is reality. That throne room, is reality. It is mind boggling!

Day 16     Thursday    10/14

Matthew 6:31-34

Therefore, do not worry saying "What shall we eat? What shall we drink? What shall we wear?" 

For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.

But seek firs the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added onto you.

Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is ts own trouble. 

"Even the sparrow has a home

And the swallow a nest for her young"

I didn't really journal anything I learned in class today, but I really wanted to share a revelation I had. I was talking about what I wanted to do after Fire in the Night with one of my leaders. I really want to move here, join staff and maybe be an assistant core leader for Fire in the Night ('cuz I love these night watch hours!). Being on "staff" includes 25 hours in the prayer room and 25 hours of service work, and being a leader for Fire in the Night counts for your service. But what it really is, is basically you are a missionary. A missionary that prays for a living; an intercessory missionary. You don't have to go to different nations to be a missionary. Sitting at the feet of Jesus, crying out and interceding for our country, people groups, political issues etc is just the same, in my eyes, as going to different countries. Our prayers, move and touch the heart of God. He really does listen. So here's the catch. Like most missionaries who do travel all over the world, I wouldn't get paid; Other than a part time job, I would have to raise my own support.

My goodness.

When I realized the fullness of what that meant, I got so scared.

"God! How would I ever do that! It's almost impossible!"

I heard Him clear as day, I swear. It was incredible.

"Why are you scared? Do you remember how I provided what you needed for Fire in the Night, and threw in another $300+? And you already have support coming in every month from Arielle. You have already seen, testified and been thankful for what I have done. What makes you think any of that will change?"

I was speechless. It's true; I am not in want, at all. Yes, I have a budget, but who doesn't these days?! Thank You God! I am so excited to see what the future will bring.  

Day 17    Friday     10/15

Isaiah 62: 4b-6

But you shall be called Hephzibah...for the Lord delights in you...

For a s a young man marries a virgin, so shall your sons marry you; and as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you.

I have set watchmen on your walls, O Jerusalem; they shall never hold their peace day or night. You who make mention of the Lord, do not keep silent. 

First want to point out that the word Hephzibah means "My delight is in her". Tonight we slightly touched on what this verse meant. In verses 4 and 5 it is obviously saying God delights in us. "For as a young man marries a virgin". This phrase speaks of intimacy God delights in us and He desires intimacy with us. Now, verse six doesn't seem to have anything to do with the previous verses, does it? Jerusalem, watchmen...what?! Totally random, right? Nope.

Jerusalem is the city where Jesus is eventually going to return, and there is a whole lot more to it but I'm not going to go into that right now. The watchmen are us, and we are to be praying day and night. When I say "we" I mean the church, and the prayer movement, not necessarily us personally praying 24/7.

Ok, cool. But how do these two verses work together?

The verse about intimacy obviously comes before the verse about the prayer movement...and there is a specific reason for that. Basically, the intimacy needs to go hand in hand with prayer. Both in a corporate setting (i.e. Church) and on a personal level. Of course, intimacy with Jesus Christ doesn't happen overnight. The stronger our prayer life is, the more and more intimate we will become with God. The more intimate we are with God, the stronger our prayer life will be. 

Cool, right? 

Next time you see two verses together that seem totally random, take time to, pray about, think about and study them. There could be something much deeper than what you see!