Week Nineteen - Strong Love

Monday    Day 130     2-21-11

"I'll stop trying to control You,

I'll stop trying to resist You,

I'll just let You love me.

You really enjoy me.

You really are for me.

Finally I'll believe it,

Finally I'll recieve it."

Two nights ago, I was still kind of in a slump, still feeling distant from God. Not feeling like I was growing any. But whilel in the prayer room, I stood up, like always, when they asked if anyone wanted prayer for healing. Some guy came to pray for me and a couple minutes into it he said, "I just feel like I'm supposed to encourage you by saying that you really are growing deeper in God". I broke down. I felt God say, "Every verse you read, each song you sing, all those little things you pray that don't feel like much, bring you closer to Me".  It was so incouraging. 

Then tonight, the internship director, Shady, wanted to talk with us track two a little bit. He said, "I want you to go back to your day one he, remember why you came, and see how far you've come. The other day I ready my first journal entry so it was fresh in my mind when Shady said that. All I wanted when I got here was my heart to be alive. That's still what I want but now in such a more intimate, deeper way. God is so good. 

Tuesday     Day 131     2-22-11

Proverbs 31:25

She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.

Lately I've been really struggling with my future, specifically this summer. I was really afraid I was going to fall back into old habits. And this fear was really getting to me. Today was the worst with a lot of other stuff piled on top. But tonight in apartment burn team, my apartment and leader prophesied over me.

Before I go any further, I want to talk about prophecy. There are so many different ideas about it and I want to talk aobut what I believe.

Prophecy is not a huge spiritual, scary, thing. Prophecy is to encourage, exhort (strengthen) and comfort someone (1 Corinthians 14:3). NOT to call out someone's sin, and NOT to rebuke them. If someone has done that to you, they did so wrongfully.   

Can we all hear God's voice? Does God speak to us all? Yes He does. So we can all prophesy (1 Corinthians 14:39).

Now, general prophecy (which is what I'm talking about), the gift of prophecy, and being an actual prohpet are all different things.

For example, 1 Corinthians 12:7-8 says "A spiritual gift is given to each of us so we can help each other. To one person the Spirit gives the ability to give wise advice, to another the same Spirit gives great faith."

We can all give good advice. It's natural. But some have the actual gift of giving advice...it is what they excel in. With faith, all Christians have at least some faith, we need it to believe in God and Jesus, but for some it is just easier than others. It's the same way with prophecy. We can all prohpesy, but not all have the excelled gift of prophecy. 

Prophesying for someone like your friend is simply asking God what He feels about them, and what He wants them to know at the moment. It can just be a word that pops in your head, a Bible verse God gives you for that person, or even if you close your eyes, a picture in your mind. Nothing to be scared of!

So tonight, my roomate Leah got Proverbs 31:25 for me. She also got a picture of me climbing a mountain, and struggling to do so. But Jesus was behind me and He was my strength, helping me, and lifting me back up when I fell back a bit. It was exactly what I needed to heart! (See, prophecy is good :-p). Being reminded that He is my strength has taken such a weight off my shoulders. I don't need to rely on myself, but Jesus is there to lift me back up when I fall.

One prohesy story; This Valentines Day, I got a big Disney Princess coloring book and I colored pictures for all 66 girls in the internship. Then I put a Bible verse on each one. Bible verses that kind of went with the picture itself (most came from Song of Solomon, Proverbs 31 and Psalm 45). I used about the sae 15 verse, so it's not like each picture had a different verse. Then I put them all in envelopes, said, "Holy Spirit lead me". Shuffled them and then I put names on the envelopes. Valentines day I gave each leader the ones for their girls to give to them. The next day Megan, one of the leaders, came up to me saying that two of her girls had been coloring pictures the day before and God had actually been speaking to them through those pictures. The pictures they had recieved from me a day later were the exact same pictures they had colored themselves, and the verses were perfect for them. See, that is a form of prohpecy. I colored the pictures, and the Holy Spirit did the rest. It's all by the power of God.

P.S. If anyone wants to prophesy over me, go for it!!! I love getting prophesies, even little ones. I have a notebook just for all the words people have given me. Prophesies are like little spiritual pieces of chocolate to me...so sweet and good. I love them! :) 

Friday   Day 134  2-25-11

Song of Solomon 8:6-7a

Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death, it's jealousy as enduring as the grave. Love flashes like fire, the brightest kind of flame. Many waters cannot quench love, nor can rivers drown it.

Wow, big day yesterday. So, for a few days, I had been really struggling with letting go of something in my past, but Wednesday night God really helped me with it and I had a nice breakthrough. The next morning, Thursday, I woke up with these song lyrics in my mind:

"I know the end of the story, I come up from the wilderness leaning on my Beloved"

The lyrics are from Jon Thurlow's song Strong Love and that specific phrase comes from Song of Solomon 8:5 ("wilderness" as in a tough time or hard place and "my Beloved" as in Jesus). I knew it was God that gave me the lyrics because it was exactly what I was going through. The entire day it was stuck in my head and I was listening to it constently on my ipod, with my friends and even on the way to the prayer room that night (which is weird, I usually never listen to my Ipod outside of the apartment being here). The prayer room went on as normal until during the 2am-4am set (whih was overall just a really good set...I recommend going to IHOP's archives and watching it). Brandon Lautzenheiser, the worship leader started playing a little bit of Strong Love:

"Your love is so high, Your love is so wide

Your love is so deep, Your love is so long" 

Seeing as I have never heard that song played during nightwatch, I smiled and thought, "Wow God. You're kinda cool!" Time went on and around 3:45, right before Brandon was supposed to be done, joy came to the prayer room and he started paying the entire Strong Love song. It's a pretty up-beat song, so people were dancing, singing, and laughing. I began to weep. God spoke to me about true love. True love is not broken, weak, imperfect, human love (although human love is not a bad thing) but true love is God's perfect strong love. He was also just showing me how He does see me and my heart. It was like Brandon unknowingly played that song just for me. Needless to say, this joy in the room lasted a while and Brandon and his team didn't get off the stage until 4:45...45 minutes late. :)

"Death nor life nor angels nor powers

Present things nor things in the future

Height nor depth nor any created thing

Could separate me from Your strong love

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh...

I know it's Your love, it's written on my heart

And there is not a flood that can quench this love

I know it's Your love, stronger than the grave

And death could never take me from this love   

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh... 

I know the end of the story

I come up from the wilderness, leaning on my Beloved

Your love is so high, Your love is so wide

Your love is so deep, Your love is so long"

Week Eighteen - At Arms Length

Wednesday     Day 125      2-16-11

Revelation 4:2-3

And instantly I was in the Spirit, and I saw a throne in heaven and someone sitting on it. The One sitting on the throne was as brilliant as gemstones like jasper and carnelian. And the glow of an emerald circled His throne like a rainbow.

For the last week, I've been feeling really blah. I don't feel like I'm growing any. Last night I read this passage and I couldn't really picture it. So I went to the back of the prayer room, closed my eyes, tried to block out distractions, and pictured myself on the sea of glass (Revelation 4:6) before the throne. It took me a while, but eventually, I got a picture. The only thing I can really describe is me standing on the sea, and far in front of me, in the midst of a lot of colors etc. was this huge, beautiful, red, glowing, sparkling heart beating steadily. For a second it seemed like all I could hear was the thundering pulse of God's heart; kind of like how sometimes in suspenseful parts of movies, all you hear is silence except for a heartbeat, almost in a slow motion way. I was in awe. But then I heard the still quiet voice ask, "Why am I so distant from you?" God was asking me why I was holding Him at arms length. Why, in this picture in my mind, was I so far away from Him? Why wasn't I face to face with His heart? Why wasn't I reaching out to touch it? I honestly don't know. I really, really don't. I just need to keep pushing on.  

Week Seventeen - Calls, Lights and Doorways

Sunday Day 115         2-6-11

Psalm 139:4-6

You know what I am going to say, even before I say it, Lord. You go before me, and follow me. You place Your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand!

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you" says the Lord. "Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future."

"This is what I came here for

This is what You made me for

To partner with You."

"Great Intercessor,

Ever living to intercede,

Why are You crying,

Heavily sighing.

Great Intercessor,

Come and share with me"

I'm not going to go into all the specifics, but this past week God has been speaking tome about my calling. Well, my calling, everyone's calling is to be a lover of God. But past that, my calling as in my life, and what He wants to use me for. Lou Engle (I wrote about him a few weeks ago; he has a heart to end abortion) spoke again this weekend at a conference. And just like last time, I wept afterwards, interceding for the ending of abortion. While I did, God spoke to me about why He saved me from an unjust death (apart from His love for me) and how He will use me. It's funny because I just started praying about weather I should do TheCall Institute. TheCall is a part of IHOPU and is run by Lou Engle, focusing on justice in this nation. But I'm still not sure if I am going to do it.

Then tonight we sang these lyrics during worship, and I closed my eyes to pray and I saw a picture of Jesus. He was weeping and He turned to me and said, "Katie! Katie, you need to help Me! Be My voice for these silenced ones!"

I've been struggling with who I am, and I began to weep as He continued to tell me how great I am, and how He has amazing plans for my life. Now, does God need out help? No! Does God want our help? Of course! He wants a friend, someone who will partner with Him on the things that break His heart.     

Monday Day 116        2-7-11

Daniel 2:22

He reveals deep and mysterious things and knows what lies hidden in darkness, though He is surrounded by light.

Today in our Life of Daniel class, we studied Daniel chapter 2. This verse stuck out to me, and a phrase came to mind.

Darkness is not the opposite of light; it is simply the absence of light. Hate is not the opposite of love; it is simply the absence of love. God is Love and Jesus is the Light of the world.

What does this tell us about ourselves and the world around us?

People have asked me," If God is so loving, then why is there so much evil in the world?"

That is not the right point of view. There is evil and darkness (apart from the fall of Adam and Eve) because that situation and/or person is not letting the Light in. People hate other people because we don't know real Love. We will never fully know Him until eternity (even then we will still be learning) so we always need to be asking for more revelation of who He is. We as humans are evil. Our hearts are just evil. But we need to be asking God to shine His light on the evil in our hearts.

I was reading with dim light the other day, and my roomie came and switched the light on. I realized then how dark it really had been. When we see the Light, we realize how dark we had been in the past. We think the dark is fine, but we actually have never experienced life any other way. I guarantee the Light is the best way to go.

Thursday 119              2-10-11

John 14:6

Jesus told him, "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one can come to the Father except through Me"

Jewish temples back in Jesus' day were set up a certain way (and they still might be today, I'm not sure). There were three sections of it. The gate led into the courtyard, which led into the Holy Place, which then led to the Holy of Holies. The Holy of Holies is where the actual presence of God dwelled (now it doesn't because when Jesus died on the cross, God's presence was made available to all) and the priests would have to go through a cleaning ritual to enter. There was a door to each of these rooms, and each door had a name. Guess what they were? The gate was called The Way. The first door was called The Truth, and the last door to the Holy of Holies was called The Life. So when Jesus said this, the priests and everyone listening automatically knew what He was talking about.

Revelation 4:1-2

Then as I looked, I saw a door standing open in heaven, and the same voice I had heard before spoke to me like a trumpet blast. The voice said, "Come up here and I will show you what must happen after this." And instantly I was in the Spirit, and I saw a throne in Heaven and Someone sitting on it.

One question. Who do you think that door is? 

Week Sixteen - Mercy is Beautiful

Tuesday Day 110      2-1-11

So I forgot my Bible in my apartment today and there's way too much snow to run back to get it, so I'm just gonna write about something I've been thinking about lately.

There's a song that one of our nightwatch worship leaders sings often and one of the phrases goes, "Your mercy will be remembered forever". One night while we were singing that, it hit me. "Your mercy" is Jesus! Jesus and His blood is a form of God's mercy. We will remember what Jesus did for usforever! He's so good! J

Wednesday Day 111   2-2-11

Song of Solomon 2:3-5

Like the finest apple tree in the orchard is my lover among other young men. I sit in His delightful shade, and taste His delicious fruit. He escorts me to the banquet hall; His banner over me is love. Strengthen me with raisin cakes, refresh me with apples, for I am weak with love.

"Worthy are You

Lamb who was slain

Receive the reward of Your suffering

We pour our love on You

In the middle of the night"

This passage is so overwhelming me I don't even know where to start.

"I sit in His delightful shade"

I sit. It's our choice to come and sit in Jesus' "shade". His presence is so refreshing. When we chooseto sit in His still, quiet presence, we will have just a taste of who He is, and the things He wants to give us. But it's our conscious decision to sit with Him that then allows Him to bring us into His banqueting hall, where He can give us the full feast, our heart's desire!

Psalm 37:4

Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart's desires.

Weather we realize it or not, the deep desires of our heart are that we would know Him. We were created that way.

"His banner over me is love". Some versions say, "It is obvious that He loves me".

He does all this for us because He loves us.

As I began writing this, the worship team began singing these lyrics and I distinctly heard Him say "You are My reward. Your love is My reward. You being with Me for eternity is My reward."

My heart is literally weak with love. I am so hungry for His word and His love. No other thing on earth could fill this ache in my heart because He is the One who gave it to me in the first place! 

Week Fifteen - Fire, Stars, Water...Beauty

Tuesday Day 103         1-25-11

Revelation 1:12-16

When I turned to see who was speaking to me, I saw seven golden lamp stands. And standing in the middle of the lamp stands was One like the Son of Man (Jesus). He was wearing a long robe with a gold sash across His chest. His head and His hair were white like wool, as white as snow. And His eyes were like flames of fire. His feet were like polished bronze refined in a furnace, and His voice sounded like many might waters. He held seven stars in His right hand, and a sharp two-edged sword came from His mouth. And His face was like the sun in all its brilliance.

"And I know that Your eyes are like flames of fire,

And I know that Your head is white as wool,

I know that Your voice, it sounds like water,

Jesus You're beautiful!"

God keeps messing me up, in a good way. We had our Book of Revelation class today and the question "What is the Foundational Issue in the End Times?" was asked. The answer is who Jesus is.

We got an assignment in which we were to take 3 descriptions of Jesus and pray through them and ask for revelation of who He is. So I started reading through chapter 1, specifically this passage, and was thinking of ones I wanted to work on. The picture I get when I read verses 12-16 is very busy; there's a lot going on in my mind. But I read, asking God to show me something (I was already near tears at this point because I was so eager to learn) and suddenly I came to this realization.

Even with all the craziness in this passage, Jesus still had those scars on His wrists.

Woah.

I began to weep. All I could say was, "Jesus You're so beautiful!"

To me, those nail wounds are the prominent thing that makes Jesus so beautiful. For the first time ever, I actuallyscratched the surface of understanding of how beautiful Jesus truly is.

Wednesday Day 104    1-26-11

Deuteronomy 8:17-18

He did all those so you would never say to yourself "I have achieved this wealth with my own strength and energy". Remember the Lord your God. He is the One who gives you power to be successful.

Today in our financial class, we were talking about giving money. I have always had a fear of not having enough money. So it's hard for me to give sometimes (unless it's like, a friend who can't go out to lunch because they don't have money etc). But my teacher pointed something out today. Most people view themselves as a bucket. Earning and earning money, filling up the bucket without giving hardly any(the average tithe in America is 3%. The Bible clearly tells us to give 10%. That right there is an issue in and of itself) and saving most of it (but, some saving is not bad. Proverbs 13:22). But we need to see ourselves as an open-ended cylinder (almost like a pipe), receiving money, but giving it just as freely.

Honestly, all the money in the world belongs to God. Psalm 50 talks about how He owns cattle on a thousand hills. I don't know how that works with the money used for bad purposes, but that is a different subject. Bucket people tend to think "I worked hard for my money" while #1, God gave you the strength for the job that He also provided for you. And #2, the money doesn't belong to you anyways!

Giving generously can be really hard sometimes, I know. But I know that He will bless us for it in the future! 

This is my essay I wrote for my class! :) 

Revelation chapter one is one of my most favorite chapters in the entire Bible. The beauty of God is one of the most fascinating aspects of Him to me. I love learning about it, and I think Revelation 1 is a perfect example of His beauty in and through His Son Jesus Christ. In fact, the entire book of Revelation is full of His beauty by revealing Jesus. I think that they way God has given me a hunger for both this book, and for His beauty is no coincidence.

            Jealousy. That's what I kept hearing as I asked the Holy Spirit about the eyes of Jesus. I know that's not a unique explanation of this description, but it really touches my heart. I remember when I was still with my ex-boyfriend, my heart always got excited when he showed jealousy for me. God used that memory to speak to me saying just how much more He is jealous for me. Somebody really does want me for me, because He loves me.

            I love the sky at night. I love looking up and seeing all the stars in the sky. So the phrase "He held seven stars in His right hand" really stuck out to me. The immediate picture I get in my mind is a picture of the silver and gold five-sided stars we draw. But I thought about it and I remember that that's really not what stars look like. Real stars are burning hot balls of gas. I'm not fully clear on what the stars represent, but the fact hat Jesus can hold seven of them in His hand is incredible.

            When I read "voice of many waters" the first thing that pops in my head is the sound of a waterfall. And I get a picture of a beautiful Hawaiian looking location. But when I see the waterfall, I also see the rainbow the water and light creates. And when I think rainbow, I don't necessarily think "God's promises" (although that is an obvious meaning). I always automatically think of God's beauty. So after thinking and praying this one through, I have come to the realization that from the mighty voice of God comes beautiful promises that will last an eternity.

            The thing that hit me the most actually wasn't one of Jesus' descriptions in this chapter. To me, there is a lot going on in verses 13-16, so it's kind of hard to picture everything in my mind. But after class Tuesday, I began to weep as I realized that in the midst of all that craziness, He still has the wounds in His hands.

            That, to me, is the most beautiful thing about Him.