Monday Day 130 2-21-11
"I'll stop trying to control You,
I'll stop trying to resist You,
I'll just let You love me.
You really enjoy me.
You really are for me.
Finally I'll believe it,
Finally I'll recieve it."
Two nights ago, I was still kind of in a slump, still feeling distant from God. Not feeling like I was growing any. But whilel in the prayer room, I stood up, like always, when they asked if anyone wanted prayer for healing. Some guy came to pray for me and a couple minutes into it he said, "I just feel like I'm supposed to encourage you by saying that you really are growing deeper in God". I broke down. I felt God say, "Every verse you read, each song you sing, all those little things you pray that don't feel like much, bring you closer to Me". It was so incouraging.
Then tonight, the internship director, Shady, wanted to talk with us track two a little bit. He said, "I want you to go back to your day one he, remember why you came, and see how far you've come. The other day I ready my first journal entry so it was fresh in my mind when Shady said that. All I wanted when I got here was my heart to be alive. That's still what I want but now in such a more intimate, deeper way. God is so good.
Tuesday Day 131 2-22-11
Proverbs 31:25
She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.
Lately I've been really struggling with my future, specifically this summer. I was really afraid I was going to fall back into old habits. And this fear was really getting to me. Today was the worst with a lot of other stuff piled on top. But tonight in apartment burn team, my apartment and leader prophesied over me.
Before I go any further, I want to talk about prophecy. There are so many different ideas about it and I want to talk aobut what I believe.
Prophecy is not a huge spiritual, scary, thing. Prophecy is to encourage, exhort (strengthen) and comfort someone (1 Corinthians 14:3). NOT to call out someone's sin, and NOT to rebuke them. If someone has done that to you, they did so wrongfully.
Can we all hear God's voice? Does God speak to us all? Yes He does. So we can all prophesy (1 Corinthians 14:39).
Now, general prophecy (which is what I'm talking about), the gift of prophecy, and being an actual prohpet are all different things.
For example, 1 Corinthians 12:7-8 says "A spiritual gift is given to each of us so we can help each other. To one person the Spirit gives the ability to give wise advice, to another the same Spirit gives great faith."
We can all give good advice. It's natural. But some have the actual gift of giving advice...it is what they excel in. With faith, all Christians have at least some faith, we need it to believe in God and Jesus, but for some it is just easier than others. It's the same way with prophecy. We can all prohpesy, but not all have the excelled gift of prophecy.
Prophesying for someone like your friend is simply asking God what He feels about them, and what He wants them to know at the moment. It can just be a word that pops in your head, a Bible verse God gives you for that person, or even if you close your eyes, a picture in your mind. Nothing to be scared of!
So tonight, my roomate Leah got Proverbs 31:25 for me. She also got a picture of me climbing a mountain, and struggling to do so. But Jesus was behind me and He was my strength, helping me, and lifting me back up when I fell back a bit. It was exactly what I needed to heart! (See, prophecy is good :-p). Being reminded that He is my strength has taken such a weight off my shoulders. I don't need to rely on myself, but Jesus is there to lift me back up when I fall.
One prohesy story; This Valentines Day, I got a big Disney Princess coloring book and I colored pictures for all 66 girls in the internship. Then I put a Bible verse on each one. Bible verses that kind of went with the picture itself (most came from Song of Solomon, Proverbs 31 and Psalm 45). I used about the sae 15 verse, so it's not like each picture had a different verse. Then I put them all in envelopes, said, "Holy Spirit lead me". Shuffled them and then I put names on the envelopes. Valentines day I gave each leader the ones for their girls to give to them. The next day Megan, one of the leaders, came up to me saying that two of her girls had been coloring pictures the day before and God had actually been speaking to them through those pictures. The pictures they had recieved from me a day later were the exact same pictures they had colored themselves, and the verses were perfect for them. See, that is a form of prohpecy. I colored the pictures, and the Holy Spirit did the rest. It's all by the power of God.
P.S. If anyone wants to prophesy over me, go for it!!! I love getting prophesies, even little ones. I have a notebook just for all the words people have given me. Prophesies are like little spiritual pieces of chocolate to me...so sweet and good. I love them! :)
Friday Day 134 2-25-11
Song of Solomon 8:6-7a
Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death, it's jealousy as enduring as the grave. Love flashes like fire, the brightest kind of flame. Many waters cannot quench love, nor can rivers drown it.
Wow, big day yesterday. So, for a few days, I had been really struggling with letting go of something in my past, but Wednesday night God really helped me with it and I had a nice breakthrough. The next morning, Thursday, I woke up with these song lyrics in my mind:
"I know the end of the story, I come up from the wilderness leaning on my Beloved"
The lyrics are from Jon Thurlow's song Strong Love and that specific phrase comes from Song of Solomon 8:5 ("wilderness" as in a tough time or hard place and "my Beloved" as in Jesus). I knew it was God that gave me the lyrics because it was exactly what I was going through. The entire day it was stuck in my head and I was listening to it constently on my ipod, with my friends and even on the way to the prayer room that night (which is weird, I usually never listen to my Ipod outside of the apartment being here). The prayer room went on as normal until during the 2am-4am set (whih was overall just a really good set...I recommend going to IHOP's archives and watching it). Brandon Lautzenheiser, the worship leader started playing a little bit of Strong Love:
"Your love is so high, Your love is so wide
Your love is so deep, Your love is so long"
Seeing as I have never heard that song played during nightwatch, I smiled and thought, "Wow God. You're kinda cool!" Time went on and around 3:45, right before Brandon was supposed to be done, joy came to the prayer room and he started paying the entire Strong Love song. It's a pretty up-beat song, so people were dancing, singing, and laughing. I began to weep. God spoke to me about true love. True love is not broken, weak, imperfect, human love (although human love is not a bad thing) but true love is God's perfect strong love. He was also just showing me how He does see me and my heart. It was like Brandon unknowingly played that song just for me. Needless to say, this joy in the room lasted a while and Brandon and his team didn't get off the stage until 4:45...45 minutes late. :)
"Death nor life nor angels nor powers
Present things nor things in the future
Height nor depth nor any created thing
Could separate me from Your strong love
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh...
I know it's Your love, it's written on my heart
And there is not a flood that can quench this love
I know it's Your love, stronger than the grave
And death could never take me from this love
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh...
I know the end of the story
I come up from the wilderness, leaning on my Beloved
Your love is so high, Your love is so wide
Your love is so deep, Your love is so long"
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