Week Twenty Three - Up the Mountain

So, this is the first week that I actually didn't write anything down to share with you guys. But I am gonna write a little bit about Song of Solomon Chapter 2 (I would recommend reading it quick because I'm not gonna type all of it out :-p ) and how I feel like it was written just for me right now.

I only have 4 full more days left here in Kansas City. I am sad, excited, happy, and nervous all at the same time. Verse 3 talks about the maiden (the main girl in the book) sitting in Jesus' shade, tasting just a little bit of who He is. I feel like that is where I was before FITN. Then in verses 4 and 5 He brings her to the banqueting table. This for me, was my internship. 6 months of just sitting at His feet, learning and talking about Him 24/7. But then in verses 10-13, He talks about calling her to come away with Him up the mountains. She has to face her fears. 

Man, I am so scared to go home. I really am. My old lifestyle, my old self is there waiting for me, calling my name and I really honestly want nothing to do with it. But Matthew 26:41 says "Keept watch and pray, so that you will not give in to temptation. For the spirit is willing, but the body is weak." 

Yeah, I am willing but I am going to have to work sooo hard and pray that I will not fall back into it. 

So am I gonna go with Jesus up the mountains? Or am I going to give up, like the maiden does in this chapter, and stay behind in the shade. I don't want to give up, I really don't. I have to learn to trust and obey Him and realize that He isn't going to leave me half way up this mountain of going home.

There's a lot more in this chapter that is so good, but that's the basics of it. I fell in love with this book when I read and studied this chapter. If you go on mikebickle.org, he does a whole teaching on Song of Solomon, taking a few verses at a time and going through them in detailed, easy to understand ways. I think this is what I'm going to study over the summer. I think at least every girl should study it, because it is written in our language :) 

Week Twenty Two - The Greatest of These is Love

Tuesday    Day 152    3-15-11

1 John 4:8

God is love.

"Why would a loving God send people to hell? Why would a God who loves, let bad things happen to good people? The God in the Old Testament and the God in the book of Revelation doesn't sound very loving to me."

I've heard these questions and comments countless times. The answer is able to be understood, but is deep and complicated (for me, at least). I will do my best to explain.

Think about this:

It only took God seven days to create the Earth. But He took an entire nine months to create you!

What does that say to you about God's love for us? To me it says that we are more precious to Him than anything else He created. I can just imagine His excitement right before creation began. "I am going to save man for last, because he's the best of all!"

Colossians 1:16 says He created everything for His enjoyment. So if the waterfalls were made because He likes them, how much more does He like and love us?!

Psalm 139:13 says

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb.

God loves us so much, that He took 38x more time to create us than He did to make the world.

I heard someone today refer to the judgments in Revelation as "speed bumps to Hell". It's so true. You guys, God doesn't want us to go to Hell! It is out of His love and kindness that the judgments in Revelation happen! He very well could just flood the whole place again, He really could! But He doesn’t because #1, He promised He wouldn't. And #2 He will do all that He can to make sure as many people will be with Him in eternity. In the end times, God gives seven years and 21 judgments for people to turn to Him! That, to me, speaks of His kindness is such great measures!

God doesn't send people to Hell. People choose to go there. Psalm 20:4 says that God gives us our hearts desires. So if someone says, "I don't want anything to do with God." He replies, "Ok, but that means eternity without Me." A lot of people have the mindset that God is a mean God who pounces on the opportunity to send someone to Hell. But in reality, when that's the route someone chooses, His heart is broken (Genesis 6:6).

God doesn't just have the feeling or emotion of love, He is love. He is the definition of Love. In order to understand the things He does, we need to understand Him; and He is Love. We think we know what love is, but honestly, our little human brains will never be able to fully understand Love until we are with Him in eternity.

Love is patient. Love is kind. Love does not demand His own way. Love keeps no record of wrong. Love never gives up on us. Love will last forever.

What kind of God is this, that He would love us, mere mortals, like He does?

What kind of God is this, that He would give us chance, after chance, after chance over and over again to run back to Him?

What kind of God is this that He Himself would become a Man, only to then die a horrendous death, so that we could be with Him forever?

These are the questions that we should be asking.  

Thursday    Day 154    3-17-11

Lamentations 3:55-57

But I called on Your name, Lord, from deep within the pit. You heard me when I cried, "Listen to my pleading! Heart my cry for help!" Yes, You came when I called; You told me, "Do not fear."

I read Lamentations tonight and it is one of my new favorites. Most people who read it would get the idea that God is angry and mean. But what I see is a jealous God who is deeply in love with His people. God is not angry at us. He is jealous for us. Much like what a husband would feel when a wife is either being attacked or unfaithful (2 Corinthians 11:2). But then it shows the unending mercy and faithfulness of God.

I love this passage. No matter how deep the pit, no matter how long it took for us to dig the pit, He still hears our weak cry for help. It took me a year and a half to dig the pit I was in, but even though He is still wiping me clean of the mud and grim, it only took an instant for God to pull me out. I can imagine Him saying "Don't be afraid" and comforting us, much like a Father would to a scared child, or a shepherd to a lost sheep.

The jealousy of a husband, the love of a Father, the comfort of a shepherd…

Who is like our God? 

Week Twenty One - Rightly Do We Love You Jesus

Thursday   Day 147   3-10-11

Revelation 1:5b

All glory to Him who loves us, and freed us from our sins by shedding His blood for us.

Isaiah 53:5

But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed. 

We all know that Jesus died for our sins. But today I just realized something. He didn't just take our sin away. He who was innocent, became guilty for us. He actually took the blame, became guilty, just as if He had done it Himself. He was stripped naked so we could be covered in righteousness. He became shame. He became guilty. For us!

I've been reading a fictional series (based on true events) called Chronicles of Brothers by Wendy Alec. It's about the archangels Michael, Gabriel and Lucifer (who became Satan). The three books are The Fall of Lucifer, The First Judgment, and The Son of Perdition.  I just finished The First Judgment and it was based on the life of Christ. There is the scene of Him dying on the cross and it really touched my heart:

The ferociously seething cyclones swirled above a rapidly growing gulf above Golgotha. Jesus' hair blew violently as every particle of His being was instantly immersed in a violent light storm that coursed like an electric tempest through His being, lifting Him inches from the cross, then thrusting Him violently back against the coarse wood. He raised His face in horror to the black, swirling gales that raged overhead, visible only to Gabriel and the legions of the First Heaven and those of the fallen [in other words, not visible to the natural eye. Only to the angels and demons, and Jesus]. The cyclones crashed through the gulf, their ferocious power unleashed on Jesus as generation after generation's evil, depraved ravings of the Race of Men and hell's demons descended toward Jesus - a lewd wave of unending filth. A million, million blasphemies, the wicked, darkened imaginings of the Race of Men resounded through the Place of the Skull.

"Eloiiii!" Jesus screamed, His voice drowned out by the discordant, raging profanities, "Father….Fa…th…er…" His agonized scream rang out through the darkening skies as His body jerked with violent convulsions.

Bloodied harpies and leech-vampires descended on the center cross like a violent seething shroud, their pincers and talons ripping into Jesus' limbs; their ulcerated lips latched on to His chest, expelling their infected viruses until His skin became a mass of purpled, bloodied welts, a living, writhing mass of rotting flesh. Leprous nodules covered His lips and eyes, swollen thrice their size; swelling cancers multiplied and spread across His abdomen and chest; a white film covered His eyes until Jesus stared ahead completely blind.

Gabriel lowered his eyes from Jesus' hideous disfigurement. 

Obviously, we don't know if this is what actually happened, but I think it is an amazing picture of how He didn't just take things away, but He actually took it upon Himself.

Saturday    Day 149   3-12-11

Hebrews 5:7-9

While Jesus was here on Earth, He offered prayers and pleadings, with a loud cry and tears, to the One who could save Him from death. And God heard His prayers because of His deep reverence for God. Even though Jesus was God's Son, He learned obedience from the things He suffered. In this way, God qualified Him as a perfect High Priest, and He became the source of eternal salvation for all those who obey Him.

Jesus is our High Priest. Do know what a priest does? He stands before God and intercedes (prays) for His people. Jesus prays for us. Isn't that crazy?! The other night in burn team, we talked about prayer reading the scriptures. I haven't done it a lot, but when I read this, I decided I should try it. So I just said short phrases like, "Jesus, You are my High Priest. Thank You for interceding for me. Thank You for caring enough about me to pray for me."

I got a picture of Jesus on His knees, face to the ground, weeping, His heart broken, begging His Father to bring me back at the time I wasn't walking with Him.

This is Christ's love for us. Isn't it beautiful? 

Week Twenty - A Call to Go Deeper

Wednesday   Day 139    3-2-11

Jeremiah 1:5 

I knew you before I formed you in your mother's womb. Before you were born, I set you apart.

Remember when I talked about possibly maybe doing TheCall Institute? For about a month, I had decided not to and to instead attend FSM (school of minsitry), but God made it clear last night that TheCall is probably the best desicion for me. Here's what happened.

I know a girl, Emma, who was in FITN last track and is now in TheCall. I was talking with her and at one point she said, "I am having an awesome time, but if you aren't specifically called to it, you won't enjoy being in the institute because it is very intense."  When she said "it" I thought she was talking about the institute itself. But last niht at dinner, my friends and I were talkign about Nazarite vows and being a Nazarite. It brought up the question again in my heart, "Well, is FSM really the right thing for me to do?". I hated that question. It made me feel so uncomfortable. I struggled with it all night in the prayer room until about 20 minutes before leaving, God spoke to me. He said, "Katie, after your vow (not dating for 3 years) is complete, that doesn't mean you are done being a Nazarite." Then I realized tht when Emma said "it" she meant being called to be a Nazarite. (When I told all this to my roomate, she said, "Oh I knew that's what Emma meant!" Gee, thanks for telling me now!). Then God took me back over my 18 years and showed me how my entire life I have been set apart (which what being a Nazarite means). He highlighted 5 specefic points.

#1 - My adoption

#2-  Being homeschooled for 7.5 years

#3 - Never the "popular" one/socially awkward (which isn't a bad thing, it was just who I was)

#4 - Learning about Nazarite vows, and making one for 3 years (which I broke the last year, hence why I am re-doing it)

#5 - Being called to come to IHOP instead of the usual state university. When I was having a heard time with this, my mentor kept telling me, "Katie, it's because you are being set apart, and it's for a specific reason" (...thanks Dawn)

I didn't just make a vow. Being a Nazarite is who I am.

(P.S. DON'T WORRY - Being a Nazarite and being celibate are two different things. I can still get married, but being a Nazarite is just giving up legitimate pleasures [which, for some people is marriage, but for others, it's things like TV or certain foods etc] in order to search for God more deeply. I still have every  intention of walking down the aisle at some point in time :-p) 

Thursday   Day 140   3-3-11

Psalm 30:11

You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothes me with joy. 

Today was our second and final day of an inner healing seminar. God did a lot of good stuff in my heart. A lot of crap came up and I let it go. Anyway, the last couple months, I've been asking God about my laugh. For years now, I've felt like my laugh isn't natural. Genuine, yes. But not natural. It would sound different depending on who I was with, and a lot of the time it would feel forced if I wanted to laugh "hard". But today, that changed. The two people leading the seminar are naturally funny people. So we laughed quiet a bit throughout the day. And as God did stuff in my heart, the more my laugh felt different. It felt natural! And when I did laugh, it wasn't just a "hahaha". It would leave a resounding joy in my heart and my heart actually felt healthier afterwards. God gave me beauty for ashes, and joy mourning tonight. He truly did! 

Saturday  Day 142  3-5-11

Matthew 5:13

You are the salt of the Earth. But what good is salt if it has lost it's flavor? Can you make it salty again? It will be thrown out and trampled underfoot as worthless.

Salt has many purposes, and they can translate to our walk as Christians.

#1 - Salt season - Believers are to be a "spiritual seasoning" that enhances the quality of a tastless world (Job 6:6).

#2 - Salt preserves - Believers are to act as a supernatural "preserving agent" in a world vulnerable to moral and societal decay (Genesis 18:6-19:29)

#3 - Salt heals - Believers are to seek out and bring the healing benefits of redemption to a sick and dying world.

#4 - Salt is a diuretic - Believers are to live so as to make people around them "thirst" for something they didn't realize was missing

#5 - Salt is  precious commodity - In the ancient Chinese trade, an ounce of salt used to be equal to an ounce of gold. As believers we ar to walk in the confidence of our worthto God, displayed in the price He paid for us. We are precious to Him!!!!

#6 - Salt is a ratifying agent - The Arabic word for salt is the same as the word for a compact or a treaty. Believers enter covenant with God through the mutual sacrifice of laying down of lives.

#7 - Salt is a de-icing agent - Believers help those around them in a cold world by warming their hearts with the power of God's love.

What qualifies as seasoned salt vs. flavorless salt (relating to Christians)? This is my opinion.

"Actions speak louder than words"

I used to live by this quote. But really, I think it leads a lot of believers down the wrong path when it comes to sharing their faith. The book of James tells us that faith without works is dead. I think this also is the with our words and our actions. 

Many Christians today take this quote to heart an barely say anything about what they believe. They like to show their Christianity by the way they live. But honestly, I know athiests who don't drink, sleep around, or do drugs. They are "good people". It's my conviction that yo ureally aren't doing anything unless you open your mouth and speak. It's only when your actions match what you say, will they then themselves speak loud and clear.

Colossians 4:6 says

Let your speech be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how to answer. 

Speaking the truth in love releases grace to thsoe who recieve it.

Proverbs 15:4 says

Gentle words are a tree of life.

James chapter 3 talks about our tounge having the power of life or death. If we can speak truth and life to somebody's heart, why shouldn't we? It's like having the cure for cancer but not telling anybody. I don't think Christians today grasp the urgency of sharing the gospel. Heck, I'm only starting to grasp it. 

Conflict. That's one thing that I hate. That's the primary thing that has kept me from talking with most people. But guess what? There is a difference between being a passive "peace-keeper" and being an active "peace-maker". 

Matthew 10:34-39 says

(Jesus speaking) "Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. I have come to set man against his father...He who loves his father more than Me is not worthy of Me..."

Jesus came to bring conflict. Why? He loved people too much to leave them in a state of disagreement with the Father's love, without giving them an opportunity to change. Jesus wasn't afraid of making war to establish lasting peace (Revelation 19:11). To make peace we sometimes have to talk about the elephant in the room. However, by doing so, we are the children of God! (Matthew 5:9)

I believe it is our speech that determinds weather or not we are seasoned or flavorless. I don't know about you, but I would love to be called a child of God! :) 

Week Nineteen - Strong Love

Monday    Day 130     2-21-11

"I'll stop trying to control You,

I'll stop trying to resist You,

I'll just let You love me.

You really enjoy me.

You really are for me.

Finally I'll believe it,

Finally I'll recieve it."

Two nights ago, I was still kind of in a slump, still feeling distant from God. Not feeling like I was growing any. But whilel in the prayer room, I stood up, like always, when they asked if anyone wanted prayer for healing. Some guy came to pray for me and a couple minutes into it he said, "I just feel like I'm supposed to encourage you by saying that you really are growing deeper in God". I broke down. I felt God say, "Every verse you read, each song you sing, all those little things you pray that don't feel like much, bring you closer to Me".  It was so incouraging. 

Then tonight, the internship director, Shady, wanted to talk with us track two a little bit. He said, "I want you to go back to your day one he, remember why you came, and see how far you've come. The other day I ready my first journal entry so it was fresh in my mind when Shady said that. All I wanted when I got here was my heart to be alive. That's still what I want but now in such a more intimate, deeper way. God is so good. 

Tuesday     Day 131     2-22-11

Proverbs 31:25

She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.

Lately I've been really struggling with my future, specifically this summer. I was really afraid I was going to fall back into old habits. And this fear was really getting to me. Today was the worst with a lot of other stuff piled on top. But tonight in apartment burn team, my apartment and leader prophesied over me.

Before I go any further, I want to talk about prophecy. There are so many different ideas about it and I want to talk aobut what I believe.

Prophecy is not a huge spiritual, scary, thing. Prophecy is to encourage, exhort (strengthen) and comfort someone (1 Corinthians 14:3). NOT to call out someone's sin, and NOT to rebuke them. If someone has done that to you, they did so wrongfully.   

Can we all hear God's voice? Does God speak to us all? Yes He does. So we can all prophesy (1 Corinthians 14:39).

Now, general prophecy (which is what I'm talking about), the gift of prophecy, and being an actual prohpet are all different things.

For example, 1 Corinthians 12:7-8 says "A spiritual gift is given to each of us so we can help each other. To one person the Spirit gives the ability to give wise advice, to another the same Spirit gives great faith."

We can all give good advice. It's natural. But some have the actual gift of giving advice...it is what they excel in. With faith, all Christians have at least some faith, we need it to believe in God and Jesus, but for some it is just easier than others. It's the same way with prophecy. We can all prohpesy, but not all have the excelled gift of prophecy. 

Prophesying for someone like your friend is simply asking God what He feels about them, and what He wants them to know at the moment. It can just be a word that pops in your head, a Bible verse God gives you for that person, or even if you close your eyes, a picture in your mind. Nothing to be scared of!

So tonight, my roomate Leah got Proverbs 31:25 for me. She also got a picture of me climbing a mountain, and struggling to do so. But Jesus was behind me and He was my strength, helping me, and lifting me back up when I fell back a bit. It was exactly what I needed to heart! (See, prophecy is good :-p). Being reminded that He is my strength has taken such a weight off my shoulders. I don't need to rely on myself, but Jesus is there to lift me back up when I fall.

One prohesy story; This Valentines Day, I got a big Disney Princess coloring book and I colored pictures for all 66 girls in the internship. Then I put a Bible verse on each one. Bible verses that kind of went with the picture itself (most came from Song of Solomon, Proverbs 31 and Psalm 45). I used about the sae 15 verse, so it's not like each picture had a different verse. Then I put them all in envelopes, said, "Holy Spirit lead me". Shuffled them and then I put names on the envelopes. Valentines day I gave each leader the ones for their girls to give to them. The next day Megan, one of the leaders, came up to me saying that two of her girls had been coloring pictures the day before and God had actually been speaking to them through those pictures. The pictures they had recieved from me a day later were the exact same pictures they had colored themselves, and the verses were perfect for them. See, that is a form of prohpecy. I colored the pictures, and the Holy Spirit did the rest. It's all by the power of God.

P.S. If anyone wants to prophesy over me, go for it!!! I love getting prophesies, even little ones. I have a notebook just for all the words people have given me. Prophesies are like little spiritual pieces of chocolate to me...so sweet and good. I love them! :) 

Friday   Day 134  2-25-11

Song of Solomon 8:6-7a

Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm. For love is as strong as death, it's jealousy as enduring as the grave. Love flashes like fire, the brightest kind of flame. Many waters cannot quench love, nor can rivers drown it.

Wow, big day yesterday. So, for a few days, I had been really struggling with letting go of something in my past, but Wednesday night God really helped me with it and I had a nice breakthrough. The next morning, Thursday, I woke up with these song lyrics in my mind:

"I know the end of the story, I come up from the wilderness leaning on my Beloved"

The lyrics are from Jon Thurlow's song Strong Love and that specific phrase comes from Song of Solomon 8:5 ("wilderness" as in a tough time or hard place and "my Beloved" as in Jesus). I knew it was God that gave me the lyrics because it was exactly what I was going through. The entire day it was stuck in my head and I was listening to it constently on my ipod, with my friends and even on the way to the prayer room that night (which is weird, I usually never listen to my Ipod outside of the apartment being here). The prayer room went on as normal until during the 2am-4am set (whih was overall just a really good set...I recommend going to IHOP's archives and watching it). Brandon Lautzenheiser, the worship leader started playing a little bit of Strong Love:

"Your love is so high, Your love is so wide

Your love is so deep, Your love is so long" 

Seeing as I have never heard that song played during nightwatch, I smiled and thought, "Wow God. You're kinda cool!" Time went on and around 3:45, right before Brandon was supposed to be done, joy came to the prayer room and he started paying the entire Strong Love song. It's a pretty up-beat song, so people were dancing, singing, and laughing. I began to weep. God spoke to me about true love. True love is not broken, weak, imperfect, human love (although human love is not a bad thing) but true love is God's perfect strong love. He was also just showing me how He does see me and my heart. It was like Brandon unknowingly played that song just for me. Needless to say, this joy in the room lasted a while and Brandon and his team didn't get off the stage until 4:45...45 minutes late. :)

"Death nor life nor angels nor powers

Present things nor things in the future

Height nor depth nor any created thing

Could separate me from Your strong love

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh...

I know it's Your love, it's written on my heart

And there is not a flood that can quench this love

I know it's Your love, stronger than the grave

And death could never take me from this love   

Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh... 

I know the end of the story

I come up from the wilderness, leaning on my Beloved

Your love is so high, Your love is so wide

Your love is so deep, Your love is so long"

Week Eighteen - At Arms Length

Wednesday     Day 125      2-16-11

Revelation 4:2-3

And instantly I was in the Spirit, and I saw a throne in heaven and someone sitting on it. The One sitting on the throne was as brilliant as gemstones like jasper and carnelian. And the glow of an emerald circled His throne like a rainbow.

For the last week, I've been feeling really blah. I don't feel like I'm growing any. Last night I read this passage and I couldn't really picture it. So I went to the back of the prayer room, closed my eyes, tried to block out distractions, and pictured myself on the sea of glass (Revelation 4:6) before the throne. It took me a while, but eventually, I got a picture. The only thing I can really describe is me standing on the sea, and far in front of me, in the midst of a lot of colors etc. was this huge, beautiful, red, glowing, sparkling heart beating steadily. For a second it seemed like all I could hear was the thundering pulse of God's heart; kind of like how sometimes in suspenseful parts of movies, all you hear is silence except for a heartbeat, almost in a slow motion way. I was in awe. But then I heard the still quiet voice ask, "Why am I so distant from you?" God was asking me why I was holding Him at arms length. Why, in this picture in my mind, was I so far away from Him? Why wasn't I face to face with His heart? Why wasn't I reaching out to touch it? I honestly don't know. I really, really don't. I just need to keep pushing on.  

Week Seventeen - Calls, Lights and Doorways

Sunday Day 115         2-6-11

Psalm 139:4-6

You know what I am going to say, even before I say it, Lord. You go before me, and follow me. You place Your hand of blessing on my head. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to understand!

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you" says the Lord. "Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future."

"This is what I came here for

This is what You made me for

To partner with You."

"Great Intercessor,

Ever living to intercede,

Why are You crying,

Heavily sighing.

Great Intercessor,

Come and share with me"

I'm not going to go into all the specifics, but this past week God has been speaking tome about my calling. Well, my calling, everyone's calling is to be a lover of God. But past that, my calling as in my life, and what He wants to use me for. Lou Engle (I wrote about him a few weeks ago; he has a heart to end abortion) spoke again this weekend at a conference. And just like last time, I wept afterwards, interceding for the ending of abortion. While I did, God spoke to me about why He saved me from an unjust death (apart from His love for me) and how He will use me. It's funny because I just started praying about weather I should do TheCall Institute. TheCall is a part of IHOPU and is run by Lou Engle, focusing on justice in this nation. But I'm still not sure if I am going to do it.

Then tonight we sang these lyrics during worship, and I closed my eyes to pray and I saw a picture of Jesus. He was weeping and He turned to me and said, "Katie! Katie, you need to help Me! Be My voice for these silenced ones!"

I've been struggling with who I am, and I began to weep as He continued to tell me how great I am, and how He has amazing plans for my life. Now, does God need out help? No! Does God want our help? Of course! He wants a friend, someone who will partner with Him on the things that break His heart.     

Monday Day 116        2-7-11

Daniel 2:22

He reveals deep and mysterious things and knows what lies hidden in darkness, though He is surrounded by light.

Today in our Life of Daniel class, we studied Daniel chapter 2. This verse stuck out to me, and a phrase came to mind.

Darkness is not the opposite of light; it is simply the absence of light. Hate is not the opposite of love; it is simply the absence of love. God is Love and Jesus is the Light of the world.

What does this tell us about ourselves and the world around us?

People have asked me," If God is so loving, then why is there so much evil in the world?"

That is not the right point of view. There is evil and darkness (apart from the fall of Adam and Eve) because that situation and/or person is not letting the Light in. People hate other people because we don't know real Love. We will never fully know Him until eternity (even then we will still be learning) so we always need to be asking for more revelation of who He is. We as humans are evil. Our hearts are just evil. But we need to be asking God to shine His light on the evil in our hearts.

I was reading with dim light the other day, and my roomie came and switched the light on. I realized then how dark it really had been. When we see the Light, we realize how dark we had been in the past. We think the dark is fine, but we actually have never experienced life any other way. I guarantee the Light is the best way to go.

Thursday 119              2-10-11

John 14:6

Jesus told him, "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one can come to the Father except through Me"

Jewish temples back in Jesus' day were set up a certain way (and they still might be today, I'm not sure). There were three sections of it. The gate led into the courtyard, which led into the Holy Place, which then led to the Holy of Holies. The Holy of Holies is where the actual presence of God dwelled (now it doesn't because when Jesus died on the cross, God's presence was made available to all) and the priests would have to go through a cleaning ritual to enter. There was a door to each of these rooms, and each door had a name. Guess what they were? The gate was called The Way. The first door was called The Truth, and the last door to the Holy of Holies was called The Life. So when Jesus said this, the priests and everyone listening automatically knew what He was talking about.

Revelation 4:1-2

Then as I looked, I saw a door standing open in heaven, and the same voice I had heard before spoke to me like a trumpet blast. The voice said, "Come up here and I will show you what must happen after this." And instantly I was in the Spirit, and I saw a throne in Heaven and Someone sitting on it.

One question. Who do you think that door is? 

Week Sixteen - Mercy is Beautiful

Tuesday Day 110      2-1-11

So I forgot my Bible in my apartment today and there's way too much snow to run back to get it, so I'm just gonna write about something I've been thinking about lately.

There's a song that one of our nightwatch worship leaders sings often and one of the phrases goes, "Your mercy will be remembered forever". One night while we were singing that, it hit me. "Your mercy" is Jesus! Jesus and His blood is a form of God's mercy. We will remember what Jesus did for usforever! He's so good! J

Wednesday Day 111   2-2-11

Song of Solomon 2:3-5

Like the finest apple tree in the orchard is my lover among other young men. I sit in His delightful shade, and taste His delicious fruit. He escorts me to the banquet hall; His banner over me is love. Strengthen me with raisin cakes, refresh me with apples, for I am weak with love.

"Worthy are You

Lamb who was slain

Receive the reward of Your suffering

We pour our love on You

In the middle of the night"

This passage is so overwhelming me I don't even know where to start.

"I sit in His delightful shade"

I sit. It's our choice to come and sit in Jesus' "shade". His presence is so refreshing. When we chooseto sit in His still, quiet presence, we will have just a taste of who He is, and the things He wants to give us. But it's our conscious decision to sit with Him that then allows Him to bring us into His banqueting hall, where He can give us the full feast, our heart's desire!

Psalm 37:4

Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart's desires.

Weather we realize it or not, the deep desires of our heart are that we would know Him. We were created that way.

"His banner over me is love". Some versions say, "It is obvious that He loves me".

He does all this for us because He loves us.

As I began writing this, the worship team began singing these lyrics and I distinctly heard Him say "You are My reward. Your love is My reward. You being with Me for eternity is My reward."

My heart is literally weak with love. I am so hungry for His word and His love. No other thing on earth could fill this ache in my heart because He is the One who gave it to me in the first place! 

Week Fifteen - Fire, Stars, Water...Beauty

Tuesday Day 103         1-25-11

Revelation 1:12-16

When I turned to see who was speaking to me, I saw seven golden lamp stands. And standing in the middle of the lamp stands was One like the Son of Man (Jesus). He was wearing a long robe with a gold sash across His chest. His head and His hair were white like wool, as white as snow. And His eyes were like flames of fire. His feet were like polished bronze refined in a furnace, and His voice sounded like many might waters. He held seven stars in His right hand, and a sharp two-edged sword came from His mouth. And His face was like the sun in all its brilliance.

"And I know that Your eyes are like flames of fire,

And I know that Your head is white as wool,

I know that Your voice, it sounds like water,

Jesus You're beautiful!"

God keeps messing me up, in a good way. We had our Book of Revelation class today and the question "What is the Foundational Issue in the End Times?" was asked. The answer is who Jesus is.

We got an assignment in which we were to take 3 descriptions of Jesus and pray through them and ask for revelation of who He is. So I started reading through chapter 1, specifically this passage, and was thinking of ones I wanted to work on. The picture I get when I read verses 12-16 is very busy; there's a lot going on in my mind. But I read, asking God to show me something (I was already near tears at this point because I was so eager to learn) and suddenly I came to this realization.

Even with all the craziness in this passage, Jesus still had those scars on His wrists.

Woah.

I began to weep. All I could say was, "Jesus You're so beautiful!"

To me, those nail wounds are the prominent thing that makes Jesus so beautiful. For the first time ever, I actuallyscratched the surface of understanding of how beautiful Jesus truly is.

Wednesday Day 104    1-26-11

Deuteronomy 8:17-18

He did all those so you would never say to yourself "I have achieved this wealth with my own strength and energy". Remember the Lord your God. He is the One who gives you power to be successful.

Today in our financial class, we were talking about giving money. I have always had a fear of not having enough money. So it's hard for me to give sometimes (unless it's like, a friend who can't go out to lunch because they don't have money etc). But my teacher pointed something out today. Most people view themselves as a bucket. Earning and earning money, filling up the bucket without giving hardly any(the average tithe in America is 3%. The Bible clearly tells us to give 10%. That right there is an issue in and of itself) and saving most of it (but, some saving is not bad. Proverbs 13:22). But we need to see ourselves as an open-ended cylinder (almost like a pipe), receiving money, but giving it just as freely.

Honestly, all the money in the world belongs to God. Psalm 50 talks about how He owns cattle on a thousand hills. I don't know how that works with the money used for bad purposes, but that is a different subject. Bucket people tend to think "I worked hard for my money" while #1, God gave you the strength for the job that He also provided for you. And #2, the money doesn't belong to you anyways!

Giving generously can be really hard sometimes, I know. But I know that He will bless us for it in the future! 

This is my essay I wrote for my class! :) 

Revelation chapter one is one of my most favorite chapters in the entire Bible. The beauty of God is one of the most fascinating aspects of Him to me. I love learning about it, and I think Revelation 1 is a perfect example of His beauty in and through His Son Jesus Christ. In fact, the entire book of Revelation is full of His beauty by revealing Jesus. I think that they way God has given me a hunger for both this book, and for His beauty is no coincidence.

            Jealousy. That's what I kept hearing as I asked the Holy Spirit about the eyes of Jesus. I know that's not a unique explanation of this description, but it really touches my heart. I remember when I was still with my ex-boyfriend, my heart always got excited when he showed jealousy for me. God used that memory to speak to me saying just how much more He is jealous for me. Somebody really does want me for me, because He loves me.

            I love the sky at night. I love looking up and seeing all the stars in the sky. So the phrase "He held seven stars in His right hand" really stuck out to me. The immediate picture I get in my mind is a picture of the silver and gold five-sided stars we draw. But I thought about it and I remember that that's really not what stars look like. Real stars are burning hot balls of gas. I'm not fully clear on what the stars represent, but the fact hat Jesus can hold seven of them in His hand is incredible.

            When I read "voice of many waters" the first thing that pops in my head is the sound of a waterfall. And I get a picture of a beautiful Hawaiian looking location. But when I see the waterfall, I also see the rainbow the water and light creates. And when I think rainbow, I don't necessarily think "God's promises" (although that is an obvious meaning). I always automatically think of God's beauty. So after thinking and praying this one through, I have come to the realization that from the mighty voice of God comes beautiful promises that will last an eternity.

            The thing that hit me the most actually wasn't one of Jesus' descriptions in this chapter. To me, there is a lot going on in verses 13-16, so it's kind of hard to picture everything in my mind. But after class Tuesday, I began to weep as I realized that in the midst of all that craziness, He still has the wounds in His hands.

            That, to me, is the most beautiful thing about Him.